People on Our Roof by Shefali Tripathi Mehta | A Family Caregiver's Journey

            

"Moss-Green Judgy-Eyed People on Their Roof Catalyze a Daughter and Sister’s Caregiving Journey Fraught with Absent Father, Amatory Turbulence, and a Quest for Catharsis"

People on Our Roof by Shefali Tripathi Mehta

Book Review by Dhiraj Sindhi

People on Our Roof by Shefali Tripathi Mehta

Authors: Shefali Tripathi Mehta

ISBN: 978-9389136708

Genre: Contemporary Fiction

Length: 228 Pages

Publication Date: 14^th December 2020

Publisher: Niyogi Books India

Cover Designer: Misha Oberoi | Instagram: @misha.oberoi

Order your copy right now: https://amzn.to/3yJWSm8

About the Author: Shefali Tripathi Mehta’s most recent book is Ek Koshish: The Story of Arushi (2019). This is her fifth book and the second work of fiction after Stuck Like Lint (2017). She has published short stories and poems in anthologies and online. She writes on disability awareness, social issues, travel and parenting. For close to ten years, Shefali wrote the cover story for the Sunday supplement of the Deccan Herald. She lives in Bangalore and works at the Azim Premji University. Shefali volunteers with the disability organization, Arushi, and curates Gond art to support tribal artists.

Shefali Tripathi Mehta

Instagram: @shefalitripathimehta

Disclaimer: This review is only intended to initiate discussions. The opinions and views presented in this article are my own and do not reflect anything about the book's author. 

REVIEW

In 1.7 billion strong India, 197.3 million people, or nearly 15% of the population, were battling mental disorders in 2017. In a country where nearly 1 in 7 people struggle unseen, People on Our Roof sheds light on the realities of living with and caring for those affected. Since numbers can't capture the human cost of mental disorders, this novel offers a poignant look at the emotional toll.

We've all encountered those in our communities grappling with mental illness, who wander the streets and markets of our neighbourhoods, perhaps engaging in seemingly nonsensical behaviour in a desperate plea for recognition or brandishing a stick, lost in solitary conversations. These quite conspicuous figures become invisible when it comes to understanding their psychiatric disability, their needs, and providing care. The stigma and lack of awareness render these realistic experiences as surreal. Still, this book validates these experiences by reflecting on the real world where knowing people with mental disorders is not uncommon.

People on Our Roof addresses this issue with refreshing candour. The protagonist's once-prosperous Delhi-based family, blessed with well-heeled privilege, circumvents the conventional "faith healing, crystal healing, exorcism" circuit by accessing a qualified medical expert. This subtle nod underscores the importance of modern psychiatric treatment, coupled with social support and compassionate care, as the dignified path toward healing.

However, family caregiving can be emotionally exhausting, and frustrating, and at times, it can strip one of identity and strain relationships, even beyond the family circle. Shefali Tripathi Mehta offers a refreshingly optimistic portrayal, grounded in realism, that avoids romanticizing the situation. She expertly straddles the fine line between depicting the challenges of caregiving and showcasing the unexpected pockets of joy within the quotidian chaos and the profound strength discovered within the caregiver.

There is the fear of the unknown, and greater still is the fear of the unknown within the minds of loved ones, which can weaken you even in the face of strangers. Yet, once you find the courage to overcome this fear and accept it for what it is, you conquer the world. This is the hope the book delivers, concluding with a delightful and uplifting ending.

Despite Naina’s struggles to make peace with her personal history, her mother’s psychotic episodes, the family's ostracism under the whispers of ‘pagalkhana,’ harrowing nightmares, the plight of independent women taking tough life decisions for themselves under the watchful, often disapproving eyes of society, and society's pitiless math deeming Naina fit only for a spouse branded by madness, People on Our Roof is enveloped in the warm embrace of the late 1990s. The narrative delights in the little things—crossword puzzles, childhood anecdotes, the Madhukamini bush, and chats over chai, all rendered in a soothing writing style imbued with penetrating empathy. A few male characters with sunny dispositions provide a safe haven, adding another vibrant thread to the fabric of this powerful tale.

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Book Review: Homeless: Growing Up Lesbian and Dyslexic in India by K. Vaishali

       

"Homeless: Growing Up Lesbian and Dyslexic in India by K. Vaishali"

Book Review by Dhiraj Sindhi

Homeless by K. Vaishali

Author: K. Vaishali

ISBN: 978-9392099519

Genre: Non-fiction

Length: 240 Pages

Publication Date: 20^th March 2023

Publisher: Simon & Schuster India

Cover Designer: Vishwajyoti Ghosh | Instagram: @vishwajyotighosh

Order your copy right now: https://amzn.to/3Mka59V

About the author:

The author of the novella, Means to an End, and several short stories like ‘Hot off You’, and ‘Blow’, K. Vaishali has been published in the in Gertrude Press, Leicester Writes Prize Anthology, Sahitya Akademi’s Indian journal, Out of Print, and elsewhere. Her short fiction made the Leicester Writes Short Story Prize 2021 shortlist and the 2021 Disquiet International Literary prize longlist. With a Master’s degree in communication, she writes developer documentation for a tech company. When she is not writing, Vaishali watches classic films and enjoys world cinema.

K. Vaishali

Instagram: @_kvaishali

Twitter: @_kvaishali

SYNOPSIS

After discovering she’s lesbian and dyslexic at 20, Vaishali begins to untangle her anxieties around reading and writing. She comes out to her mother at 22 and leaves her Bombay home to make her own way. In a dingy, insect-ridden yet rent-free hostel room in Hyderabad with a door that doesn’t quite close, she tries to make the best of the situation by writing a book about her experiences. As she writes, she finds the past has a way of catching up with her, even as she explores her dyslexia, homosexuality, and the clitoris; falling in love and recovering from a harrowing breakup; academic failure, loneliness, and homophobia; living with sickness, anxiety, depression, and her caste, gender, and body. This is the story of Vaishali's relationship with her many truths and the truths of many young people in India.

Disclaimer: This review is only intended for initiating discussions. The opinions and views presented in this article are my own and do not reflect anything about the book's author. 

Trigger Warnings: Abuse, Violence

REVIEW

Homeless by K. Vaishali is a memoir of the author’s days spent introspecting in her own company as she is forced to leave her Mumbai home after coming out to her mother as lesbian; at first, in a co-rented flat in Ahmedabad and then in a UoH hostel, left to fend for herself devoid of the comforts, yet burdened with the ongoing challenges of dyslexia and dysgraphia. The memoir, for the major part, revolves around this major conflict—a type of parenting, the end goal of which is to prepare children for marriage and reproduction, or simply, to affirm that their children are as capable and qualified as children of other community members. Exactly, it doesn’t make sense to our generation. Parenting is and should be about embracing and celebrating children’s individuality while nurturing their physical, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual needs to help them navigate the turbulent waters and positively impact the world.

When K. Vaishali scores below average in an exam, she gets physically abused, and whacks on her head and pinching on her thigh continue as dyslexia remains undiscovered until much later. The problem with such type of parenting is the unacknowledged generational gap that leads to the normalisation of the imposition of parents’ beliefs, ideals, perceptions, and everything imaginable—that it’s okay to make your kids go through what they had gone through, that it’s maybe good for developing their kids’ mental strength, that whether it’s parental abuse or frequent fights between parents, there are going to be no repercussions. Ultimately, the children may suffer from clinical depression and lifelong mental disorders like anxiety and OCD. If left unattended or found no conscious way to deal with it, the next generation is fated to receive what is popularly known as “generational trauma”— a deeply ingrained legacy of pain and suffering, including substance abuse, violent behaviour, and whatnot.

Before I digress further from the memoir, apart from the subject discussed above (one of the several issues that surface in the book), the author talks about being lonely, breakup, finding a partner, the fear of getting outed as having ‘homosexual tendencies’ in the times when homosexuality used be a criminal offense, casual homophobia, and daily struggles that come with many disorders she is trying to control and manage consciously. Although this is a gripping memoir with a seamless flow taking you through the roots of problems and back to anecdotes, the narrative felt excessively one-dimensional, with a microscopic focus on inconveniences coupled with dark humour, making it less of a memoir and more of a trauma dumping that could be dealt with a multifaceted or multi-layered approach, something that I’m expecting from the author’s upcoming novels, for which, she has shared fascinating ideas throughout the memoir—a box full of kimberlites, where a shining gem is waiting to be discovered, cut, and polished. Overall, as the synopsis reads, living with disabilities that are not apparent from the outside, fighting against homophobia, and being a victim of inter-generational trauma are the truths of many young Indians, and we must listen to them.

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Semicolon, an intricate, beautiful tattoo created by Mohit; is inked with stream-of-consciousness; effectively capturing the mental turmoil of those dealing with traumatic past

 

Semicolon, an intricate, beautiful tattoo created by Mohit; is inked with stream-of-consciousness; effectively capturing the mental turmoil of those dealing with traumatic past

Book Review by Dhiraj Sindhi

Semicolon: a novel by Mohit Narbada Joshi

Semicolon: a novel by Mohit Narbada Joshi

Author: Mohit Narbada Joshi

ISBN: 978-9390909810

Genre: Contemporary Philosophical Fiction 

Length: 288 Pages

Publication Date: 25^th October 2021

Publisher: Kalamos Literary Services LLP

Cover Designer: Rishikumar Thakur | Instagram: @bookcoversbyrishi

Order your copy right now: https://amzn.to/3CFkSEV

About the author:

Mohit Narbada Joshi is a PhD Scholar in the department of Humanities and Social Sciences at Malaviya National Institute of Technology, Jaipur. Graduated as an engineer, and post graduated in English Literature, he could no longer ignore his calling. He has been writing since middle school, and this would be his first published fiction work. He has also worked as an Assistant Professor of English with St. Xavier’s College, Jaipur. One can find his writing page on Instagram: @harsh_writes where he shares his short poems and musings.

Mohit Narbada Joshi

Instagram: @harsh_writes

Disclaimer: This review is only intended for initiating discussions. The opinions and views presented in this article are my own and do not reflect anything about the book's author. 

REVIEW

Contrary to the apparent perspicuity of semicolon (punctuation), Mohit Narbada Joshi tattoos an intricate yet beautiful philosophical fiction—Semicolon using the ink of stream-of-consciousness in different experimental ways; effectively capturing the emotional turmoil one goes through while struggling with mental health issues stemming from a traumatic past; ‘fresh’ in all aspects, including romance, this debut from a promising author defies conventions of the most popular Indian contemporary works.

Semicolon follows two independent storylines, that of Keshav and Dhara. Keshav’s part of the story is narrated using interior monologues and Dhara’s, in first-person point of view. Keshav is troubled by this voice in his head that knows everything that is going to happen and everyone he is yet to meet in his life. These words at the beginning of the novel, ‘future is not something to be created, but just the past that needs to be revisited’ establishes the element of magic realism that is characterised by the mystery that somehow the protagonist knows what is coming next in his life and the next moment.

Dhara is utterly distressed that she is being forced to see a psychotherapist after she has lost (almost) all the people she had ever loved. She is afraid of the “anticipated” closure that she ‘would end up breaking all her ties with all that once mattered to her and detach her from the remains of a life she fell in love with.’ Being a medical student herself, she knows how this is going to play out if she complied with how she was expected to just. Let. Go. I think this is the thing about therapy and mental health that people need to understand that it is really difficult to let go of the past and how? Mohit has successfully illustrated this elaborately throughout the book in Dhara’s account. The journey starts by admitting that you may need or want closure, but that might never happen. In fact, one believes that holding onto the past is logically the best possible way to be secure; this sense of security convinces one to carry the burden of traumatic experience at the cost of being in a state of hopelessness. And ‘;’ is the very symbol of affirmation against this hopelessness.

Apart from being an addition to the semicolon movement, this book contains countless other metaphors. The philosophical writing style complements the interior monologues, which form the foundation of the book. The book is divided into three parts following the three-act structure, which is often used in works of narrative fiction. The first part is as usual, dedicated to the character development and problem definition. Here, you get to know what protagonists are dealing with and how do they perceive it. 

In the second part, the story actually moves forward and so do the protagonists. Here, you come across many philosophical discussions and pieces of poetry while you are also being familiarized with more characters. Besides, the protagonists are undergoing the change of scene in their life for good. However, they’d have to confront their fears sooner or later and towards the end of the second part, they eventually find themselves on the path they dreaded for a long time. The structure of the book appears to be non-linear and readers may find it hard to connect the dots until the third part. In the final part, a proper climax takes place, which is absolutely mind-blowing considering how it resolves all the conflicts in the lives of protagonists. Readers are finally able to outline the actual sequence of the events and the mysteries are solved too.

It had been an emotional saga all along, although the climax had a pronounced effect on me. I could relate to both the protagonists on multiple levels which made me root for the characters till the end. Sometimes, I wasn’t able to keep up with the writing style, but I’m glad I put effort to understand the characters well. In the climax, it all did pay off.  The most I resonated with was Dhara, I could literally see myself in her shoes. I will end this review with her words from the iconic climactic scene, which also made me cry, even the second time as I read it to quote “I was too scared of what lay beyond the answers to the questions I had grown comfortable with.”

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How ‘If I’m Honest’ helped me identify and acknowledge my own mental health-related issues and showed me the way forward

  

How ‘If I’m Honest’ helped me identify and acknowledge my own mental health-related issues and showed me the way forward

Book Review by Dhiraj Sindhi

If I’m Honest: A Memoir of My Mental Health Journey by Sidhartha Mallya

If I'm Honest by Sidhartha Mallya

Author: Sidhartha Mallya

ISBN: 978-9390679447

Genre: Memoir

Length: 208 Pages

Publication Date: 27^th September 2021

Publisher: Westland

Book Editor: Deepthi Talwar and Kushalrani Gulab

Deepthi Talwar: Twitter - @deepthitalwar

Kushalrani Gulab: LinkedIn - @kushalrani-gulab-64673844

Cover Design: Saurabh Garge | Instagram: @garge_saurabh

Order your copy right now: https://amzn.to/3HhkJbR

About the author:

Sidhartha Mallya is an American-born, British-raised actor of Indian descent. He was born in Los Angeles, California to Indian parents, who moved to England shortly before his first birthday. He attended Wellington College, and then Queen Mary, University of London, where he graduated with a BSc in Business Management. After a short career in the business world, Sidhartha made the switch to acting. He trained at the Royal Central School of Speech and Drama, University of London, graduating with a Master of Arts in acting. He made his feature film debut in the Netflix Original Brahman Naman, which premiered at the 2016 Sundance Film Festival.

Aside from acting, Sidhartha’s main focus has been on the promotion of mental health amongst the youth. In 2020 he launched an online series called ConSIDer This, which talks about the mental issues he has struggled with over the years, and offers advice to the public on how to deal with such challenges. If I’m Honest is his first venture into the writing world.

Anisa Butt and Siddharth Mallya | A still from his Netflix movie 'Brahman Naman'

Instagram: @sidmallya

Twitter: @sidmallya

Disclaimer: This review is only intended for initiating discussions. The opinions and views presented in this article are my own and do not reflect anything about the book's author. 

REVIEW

Here, I should add to the disclaimer that it is not always advisable to self-diagnose your mental health-related issues. If you have the resources like therapy, psychiatrist or even educational books (if you understand the scientific terminology) at hand then you should first give them a go. It is because, self-diagnosis may go extremely wrong considering how you approach, your relationship with yourself, your thought process, etc. To be honest, I haven’t self-diagnosed myself with these issues, rather I was able to recognise the patterns and identify them because of the several years of reflecting back on my life and getting to know myself, to which Sidhartha refers to as ‘Self-Work’ and ‘Self-Discovery’ journey. It is the best part of this book that the author has made it very easy to understand what he has undergone throughout his life and how he became aware of it all.

So, what do I mean when I say this book helped me identify some of the issues and showed me the way forward? One of the things that Sidhartha emphasized early in the book is that this is not a self-help book. It is rather a memoir of his life regarding what issues he had faced throughout his life and anything that has impacted his mental wellbeing. Truly, the book is an honest account, where he has shared a lot of personal and past traumas and what he is currently dealing with, without any filters; there’s something wrong he has done, he accepts it; something he thinks is wrong, he mentions it without the fear of being judged. At least that’s what I think. For instance, he chose to address the mindset that makes people believe that people who come from a life of perceived privilege or people having a certain financial, religious or ethnic background are immune to mental health issues. I know, some people reading this right now may think so, and will continue to do so. But that is exactly why I think mental health needs to be talked about, even if a greater part of society isn’t aware of it, even if an even greater part of society can’t afford it, even if an even greater part of society treats those having mental health-related issues with stigma and discrimination. We need to start taking care of our mental health just like we care for our physical health; we need to normalize seeking help while going through mental disorders, just like we do in the cases of other medical conditions like diabetes or injury. 

Alright, back to where I started—how did this book help me in any way? Sidhartha has mentioned this on the back cover itself, above the synopsis that ‘I felt like I had a dementor on my shoulder, sucking the life and happiness out of me…it was no way to live.’ It is this realization that something is wrong and you need to do something about it. You’ll know when something, a thought, fear or anything like that starts to get in the way of life, career, relationships, etc. For me, it was the year 2018 that I started daily journaling and I started taking into account that there were a lot of things that were and are putting me off the road I’m supposed to travel in order to fulfill my desires and dreams. Soon, I could recognise thinking patterns and could trace back my fears, anxieties, guilt, etc to their roots. It is not that hard to realize that this thought may have stemmed off the back of so and so reason; you just need the right resources and tools by your side to reflect on your life. After all, as we say, the person who knows you the best is yourself and getting to know yourself can incredibly help you. Sidhartha has mentioned ‘getting to know myself’ along with a set of resources/tools that you could put to use for your own self-work journey. However, these may or may not work for you, it’s completely subjective. Again, back to my point—what this book did for me is help me better express myself and my mental health-related issues. It also kind of identified a range of feelings and behaviour and actions for me that are most probably the result of some mental disorder. According to me, identifying and acknowledging an issue lifts up half of your baggage from your shoulders.  Now, you have a direction and you can start working on the issue without falling prey to the disorder. So, the next time you recognise a pattern as Sidhartha says, you can immediately identify, ‘Oh, that’s my perfectionism and I can let it pass without the automatic reaction of a compulsion.’

Just to give you context, I would share with you an example from my own life. I don’t like to do it but as Sidhartha says, therapy and self-discovery won’t be easy because rummaging through your past can be hurtful; you will have to put effort to see the result. This is similar to what Sidhartha had experienced regarding the Scrupulosity OCD. In my case, it’s not Scrupulosity OCD but something along the same lines. Touchwood, I have never had that fear-based relationship with God. I don’t know when this started, but I must be going through a lot of bad days among a few good ones. My offering of prayers to the deities in our small Pooja Mandir at home would start with burning incense stick and chanting of a specific verse. Seeking good days, I would ask God that if I finish the verse before the incense stick’s flame got extinguished, let it be a good day, otherwise, I accept the bad day. In other words, it was supposed to be an easy way to have a good day. This went on for a while; the day I get a ‘good day’ signal from God, I’d focus on only good things and when I get a ‘bad day’ signal, I’d focus only on bad things, reinforcing at the end of the day that I really had a bad day. In short, I started believing that it is actually working and that one verse and an incense stick started controlling my life. This continued for four fucking years. It took me four years to realize that it’s not God but my obsessive thoughts and compulsive behaviour. Just recently, a couple of months before I completely eliminated that verse from my prayers and still, sometimes I automatically switch to that verse, however, I have learned to not associate with it anything fear-based. The bad part is it’s just one of the many such examples.

The book is written in very simple language and is effectively structured to get the best output. The vocabulary used here makes it really easy for us to understand everything, what he had gone through mentally, how it had impacted him and his reaction to it. As for any other memoirs, there are plenty of things you can take away from this book as well. As you read Sidhartha’s journey, you’ll come to know that there are issues completely avoidable or could be handled better and are not worth it. For instance, a sentence said to you in your childhood can have a lasting impact. The most trivial of things at an early age would show through one’s adult life or maybe throughout the life in a form of mental disorder. Not stretching it further, I will mention some of the key takeaways from ‘If I’m Honest’:

• You could be depressed without you knowing and you can be ‘not-depressed’ even when you think you are depressed. The best way to know is to seek professional help. But if you cannot, seek help from your loved ones or just share it with the person you think would understand.

• In the last chapters where Sidhartha has listed some tools/techniques/resources which I consider as ‘the way forward’ after you acknowledge that there is something wrong. One thing that everyone should note is the ‘power of listening’. When someone is sharing with you their mental health issues, you just need to listen ‘with your whole body’. You don’t have to try to fix their problem or give your invaluable advice; just keep your mouth shut and be a better listener.

• Let go of the prejudices regarding mental health and issues.

• It is okay to feel what you feel. You don’t have to feel guilty about feeling the way you do. Do not beat yourself up for that. Never.

• Be careful about selecting the best alternatives for yourself. What works for Sidhartha may not work for you. And it’s okay. So, don’t hold on to things recommended by someone else and that is not working for you. It can be anything/anyone from a therapist to medication.

• Be careful about how you treat children around you and what you say in front of them. You may consider it negligible, but they will remember your words and how you made them feel for a lifetime.

There is just a lot of stuff that will remain untouched in this blog like details on depression, OCD, dealing with trolls, divorce, guilt, alcohol, etc. But you can always pick up this book if you want to know more. I will just end this discussion here with a few words of wisdom from Sid. 

If you are going through anything, then know that you are not alone. It is okay to seek help and lastly, no one is immune to mental health issues.

Happy Reading!

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Will see you in the next post. Till then buh-bye. Take Care. Peace. ☮